How to Strengthen Your Relationship Using Psychology

Since it’s the month of February, I thought I would share some useful relationship strategies I learned from the close relationships psychology course I took in university (you know, in honour of Valentine’s Day). Today I will be sharing 5 ways you can strengthen your romantic relationship. All of the information in this post was collected from my course textbook, Intimate Relationships, by Thomas N. Bradbury and Benjamin R. Karney (2014).

Running out of things to do at home with your partner? Check out this list of 20 stay at home date ideas!

I would like to preface this post by saying that I am in no way a professional counsellor. I only mean to share something that I learned. If you need real help, there are lots of professional couples’ counsellors out there that are trained to help! Here is the link to the British Columbia counselling directory. If you search for “marital counselling directory in blank“, you should be able to find one specific to your area.

If you are experiencing abuse in your relationship, click here for a list of Canadian resources, and here for a worldwide list of domestic abuse hotlines.

Relationship Maintenance

Keeping a relationship going requires work. We may not realise it, but we are constantly employing behaviours and strategies that allow our relationships to continue. These routine behaviours are called relationship maintenance. Relationship maintenance can be as simple as making a meal your partner enjoys and as complicated as knowing how to work through a disagreement. The goal of relationship maintenance is to keep your relationship strong. In this post I will be sharing 5 relationship maintenance techniques that will strengthen your relationship.

5 Ways to Strengthen your Romantic Relationship According to Psychology

1. Participate in Shared Activities

Trying new activities with your partner will help you become closer. There is a human need to seek out opportunities for self-expansion. When you do new things with your partner, the excitement and energy you feel from that self-expansion will be tied into the presence of your partner. These shared experiences will serve to strengthen your bond with each other. The more exciting the activity, the more effective it will be. I’m not saying you need to go skydiving together; doing something active like hiking or dancing will work just fine. Having to work together at an activity could also help you and your partner build communication skills, further strengthening your relationship.

2. Provide Social Support

One of the main things people want out of a relationship is for their partner to be there for them. This is the social support component of your relationship. Social support includes providing practical support as well as emotional support. In order for social support to strengthen your relationship, you need to know what type of support will actually help your partner in different situations. This basically involves paying attention to your partner’s reaction and essentially “reading the room”. Think about how your partner has reacted to the types of support you’ve used in the past and make mental notes of what your partner responded positively to (and what didn’t work for them).

Another tip is to try to incorporate invisible support. For your support to be effective, you have to make sure that your help isn’t making your partner feel incapable. You also don’t want your partner to feel like they owe you something in return.  That is what makes invisible support so effective. Your partner will feel like the relationship is a naturally supportive environment.

For an example of invisible support, think about how happy you feel when you come home to a clean house. Now, imagine how you’d feel if you came home and the house was still messy, and your partner only made a point to clean it after they saw how stressed the mess made you feel. You would feel like your partner just made the effort because of your complaint. In the first part of the scenario, the support your partner provided by cleaning the house before you got home, allows you to not experience the stress of the mess in the first place.

3. Capitalize on Positive Moments

Celebrating each other’s successes helps strengthen your relationship. Capitalization is when you elaborate on the positive experiences of your partner. Sharing positive news as well as receiving positive news boosts your mood. When your partner shares positive news, make sure your response is active and constructive. This means you are engaged and elaborate on the news in a positive way. You want your partner to feel like their good news is as important to you as it is to them. Building off these positive moments will keep your relationship exciting.

Practice making constructive statements about your partner’s positive disclosures and avoid using deconstructive statements. If you react passively or dismiss positive disclosures made by your partner, it could lead your partner to stop feeling happy about their news, (the last thing you want is for your partner to go from excited to discouraged). Remember that something that seems small to you could be a significant accomplishment to your partner and deserves the level of celebration that reflects its meaning to your partner.

4. Work on Forgiveness

First of all, when I say forgiveness will strengthen your relationship, I am not referring to forgiving any acts of abuse. Abuse is never okay. I am only referring to forgiving the small transgressions that inevitably come up in a long term relationship. Fostering forgiveness in your relationship will strengthen it because it shows empathy and emotional stability. The other half of this point is apologies. Your relationship will be stronger if you are able to apologize when you make a mistake in a way that is genuine and shows remorse. Forgiving each other shows commitment to the relationship and that you’d rather fix the problem than retaliate. Learning to apologize and forgive each other will also strengthen your problem solving skills as a couple.  

5. Communicate in the Bedroom

Relationship satisfaction and sexual satisfaction are definitely linked. This doesn’t mean that having lots of sex will improve your relationship, it means that couples that have less conflicts about the sexual aspect of their relationships are generally more satisfied with their relationships. So, if you want to strengthen your relationship, communicate with your partner about your sexual preferences and about theirs. You want to create an environment where both parties feel comfortable. Think about the reasons you’re having sex with your partner. Make sure those reasons are positive and sex isn’t being used to avoid conflict. Communicate with your partner about the aspects of initiating and rejecting sexual advances so no one is left feeling hurt when your intentions clash.

Conclusion:

When we look at the theme of these ways you can strengthen your relationship, it’s clear that communication really is key! The ways we talk and interact with our partners matter. We all want to feel respected and understood by our partners, and for that to happen we have to make sure we are providing that for our partners as well. Remember, building a strong relationship doesn’t happen overnight! It requires consistent work by both parties.

Running out of things to do at home with your partner? Check out this list of 20 stay at home date ideas!

Sources:

Bradbury, T. N., & Karney, B. R. (2014). Communicating closeness. In Intimate Relationships (Second ed., pp. 237–261). W. W. Norton & Company.